Hiraeth 2020

Hiraeth – a homesickness for a home you can’t return to, or that never was…

Do you ever feel this way?

I think we probably all feel a little like this right now.

A homesickness for the ‘before’.

Is your ‘before’ just based around the pandemic?

Or is there a deeper, longer time frame that causes you to feel this way?

Sometimes I can’t quite believe how much has changed in my life over the past 10 years.  Some of it truly wonderful, some of it heart-breakingly sad and some of it a mixture of all the emotions.

Since 2020 started, we have been locked down, socially isolated from our families, we lost two uncles in my family and have two new baby announcements (both due in April 2021), we’ve lost jobs and loved ones and genuinely not known what will be around the corner for us.

It’s easy to be reminded that you are not in this alone and that this is a global situation, but on a day to day basis you live your own life and the effects of our ‘new norm’ on your life is JUST as important as it is on everyone else around you.

It is OK to feel lost, confused, sad, angry, hurt, happy, excited… whatever you are feeling is valid and is yours.  Please don’t let anyone make you feel awful for the way you feel as that will not help your well-being.

Some good things will have come out of this time of change.

You may have found a positive.

I’m going to be a Great Auntie – which is beautiful news and definitely a good thing to have happened.

Have no shame if you have happy things to come out of this year.

But you may also have sad things.

And it’s OK to grieve and rest and put yourself first.

Time heals.  There’s so much truth in that.

Society will bounce back from this eventually.

I walked out of my work last week, it was late and dark and the streetlights were a soft, orange glow, and the air smelt like bonfires.

And I burst in to tears.

When I got home, I cried and told my husband how much I miss the ‘out’.

I miss my family (who live a few hours away in a different county), I miss dinners and bars and dancing, I miss going out for a day and stopping for tea and cake in a cute tea shop.

It’s all things that will return eventually. 

I could do some of these now, but I am too worried at the Covid risk to tempt it.

One day this will all be normal again.

But for now I feel hiraeth – for the time before Covid.